considering the hour, this probably won't be very structured or anything, i'm mostly just rambling my thoughts out.
people need acceptance. people need love. people need to feel like they are a part of something and like they are wanted. where does that even come from? maybe its an obvious answer and maybe its even in the bible (?) but really, where does that need even come from? because people are not fulfilling that need in the right way.
the way i fulfill that need is through people. family, zach, friends, attention, approval. i have tricked myself into subconsciously needing it all, and for what? to feel better? to be happier? who even knows. & how do i undo that? because there is really one thing i, and all people, need and that is the redemption and grace of the blood of Christ.
i have only been a Christian for about 4 years. i grew up in a Christian home and i asked Jesus into my heart when i was little but i honestly can not say i had a relationship with the Lord until four years ago. up until that time, my life was filled with trying to please people (amongst other negative things), mostly the wrong people. and i got used to it. i got used to being not myself and doing what other people were doing and trying to make people like me by doing what i thought would make them like me. and that became ingrained in me i think. i relied too heavily on my reputation and how people saw me and thought of me and relied not at all on Jesus. so now, i am relying on Jesus and i am trusting him and loving him the best that i can. but i am also relying on people--most of the time, more than i am relying on Jesus. and that is no good.
so now its like the cleansing process. i am detoxing from all those years of relying on people's acceptance and caring too much what people think about me. and its hard because this is something that is hurting my relationships with certain people. but isn't this becoming more like Christ? sanctification? its difficult!
usually my blog posts resolve in some way or another but i can't think of a way to resolve this one, sorry.
well actually i will just end with this, its been super on my heart. i'm also not really sure it has anything to do with everything up there.
everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. and the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house but it did not fall because it had been founded on the rock. and everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. and the rain fell, and the floods came and the winds blew and beat against that house and it fell, and great was the fall of it. matthew 7:24-27
I've totally thought about the same things, philosophically even!
ReplyDeleteThe structure of the human heart is that we require relationships. We crave them, desire them and fully come alive when we are finally with people. There is something embedded in all of us that wants relationship and doesnt want to be alone.
However, we are a broken and sinful people, and the fulfillment we get from other people is therefore incomplete and unsatisfactory. We need a perfect relationship, one that will fulfill us completely and fully! A perfect relationship can only exist between two perfect people. God is perfect in all His ways, and Jesus makes us perfect eternally through the Cross! Therefore the only way we can experience a completely perfect and fulfilling relationship is with the Father through Jesus Christ!
Every person on earth has this craving for acceptance and relationship. I think to me it's one of the biggest proofs that a perfect God must exist as there must be a key to the hole in all of our hearts! Relationships with people are not bad, they are amazing as they can reflect the goodness we experience through knowing God. But we are never complete until we know God and He finally fills the void all of us were born with, and the only way to the Father is to be made holy and blameless through the blood of Christ!